MY ASCENT TO HEAVEN
Tatiana is a doctor herself, and she knew by her symptoms that she was in very bad shape. She did not want to tum to a doctor, but, because of her husband's urgency and the unbearable pain, she felt that she had to go to a doctor. Finally, the diagnosis was cancer of the brain in metastasis. This was a very bad diagnosis, but fact is fact. During the time of her operation, she died. She left her body. It was not simply a clinical death, so pay attention now to what is going to be said by Tatiana, because there are some strange things waiting ahead that you might not like.
I realized that this brilliant light, which was coming from somewhere, was coming closer to me. The closer it came, the more I realized that this was not just a light, but the light was coming out of a human figure. It was a beautiful figure, exquisite, snowy white and the rays of light coming out of it were silver and gold in color.
I thought this must be Christ, so I stretched out my hands and fell on my knees and said, “Lord, Glory to You, Glory to You Lord, I came here.”
And he stopped and walked a little backwards and said, “I am not the Lord, stand up, and don't do this. I am an angel. I am a messenger. And you have to go back."
“But I don't want to return; I don’t want to, you don't know what kind of pain I had down there. It is so evil there and so dirty, I don't want it, I want to go to God because Christ has said that, ‘He is going to prepare a place for us so that where He is, we might be there with Him also.’( John 14:3) and I want to come to my God."
“Alright” he said, “You will stand before the Lord, follow me.”
And lately, I have remembered his words. He did not say that “I will see God," he just said, “You will stand before the Lord.”
Then we began to move. I say the word “move” because it was not the way we are used to moving. When we are moving, we are moving our feet. At that time, with my foot, I could sense the grass underneath me. The grass was like velvet, very pleasant, and this grass was caressing my feet.
When I came out of the tunnel, there was something like a curtain before me, of clouds, as a vapor or fog. And from that cloud, I saw other souls coming out. They were in such beautiful bright shining clothes, some kind of festival clothing. They were rejoicing and they were walking, and at that moment, they saw something that I could not see. They walked forward. I was very happy for them.
And suddenly, I saw a completely naked soul drop out of this curtain. He did not have anything, and on, and in his face, I saw terror. What this person saw had to be something terrible. His eyes were wide open with panic. He wanted to scream, but I could not hear it, as if he was being choked by his own screaming. Suddenly, there appeared something like great claws and they grabbed him by his elbows and feet and dragged him back into that cloud. I was frozen.
The angel appeared right next to me and asked me, “Why don't you follow me?”
I pointed to those figures coming out of the cloud and I asked him, “Tell me, who are they?”
“Those are God's children. They have finished their course on the earth, and now the crown of glory is being prepared for them. They are going before the face of God.”
And again, I saw a naked figure come out and everything was being repeated as before, and with a numb shout this figure was also pulled back into the cloud.
And so, I asked, “And what about those naked ones?”
“They thought they would be saved by their own works. But, their sin would not let them go. They cannot go through, because they did not receive Christ as their personal Savior.”
1 remembered the verse in the Bible, where it’s written, “There is no other name under heaven, given among men by which we must be saved", than Jesus Christ. (Acts 4:12)
So, I asked the angel, “What will happen to these people? Where they will go?”
The angel answered, “If God desires, you will see it.”
I was saying, “Why are they naked?”
The angel said, “They have lost the glory of God.”
And, I remembered that I was reading about it in scripture that the clothing of the righteous is God's glory.
I was remembering some verses from the Bible, and when I was looking at all of the things around me, I said to myself, “I read about this, I knew all this, but why didn’t I pay more attention to it on the earth?”
“We have to go,” said the angel.
I looked at myself and I was clothed! Praise be to God... praise be to God! I had clothing on! I was so joyful because of that.
I began to look around. It was all so beautiful. And I started to wonder, “Where is this light coming from?"
We are much higher than where the sun is. But this light was not like the sun on earth, this light was so gentle and tangible. I was ready to ask the angel where the light was coming from, but at that moment, I saw the source of it. We stopped before the throne of God. I was so small and the throne was so majestic. And the clothing of God was hidden from me, I could only see His feet before me. His clothing was almost like the clouds in the morning when the sun has not yet come up, but it gives the clouds a touch of golden color. And it was shining. a beautiful light pink color and then, progressing into a light blue. And that golden color together with blue and pink; it was such a beautiful color. I was just staring and I wanted to look up and see His face, but the angel put his hand on me so that I fell on my knees, and I said, “I want to see God’s face, let me go.”
And the angel answered, “No one of those who are living on the earth has seen God's face.”
And I said, “But, I am not on the earth, I am in heaven,” and suddenly I heard a voice and it was the same voice that spoke to me years ago, which said to me, “Tatiana, how long will you persecute me?” And this same voice also comforted me when I had to bury my first child, the same voice that had brought conviction to me during the sermon, as I was looking around thinking, “Oh that's a word for this sister or for that brother, but it was the Lord who was saying it to me.
And this voice asked me, “WHY HAVEN'T YOU RETURNED BACK? YOU HEARD IT'S NOT YET YOUR TIME.”
I said “Lord, I want to be with You, I am your child! Lord, do not cast me out of here.”
The Lord asked me, “AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME?"
I did not expect such a question, absolutely not. And so I shouted, “Well, my whole life is in You, I have given You my whole life. I was breathing for You. “ But, it would have been better if I had just said, right from the beginning, “Lord I have not done anything for you." I was always being so boastful.
And suddenly, two angels brought the book of my life before the Lord. At first, ] saw how they brought some kind of a scroll. I saw how the hand of God covered it with a cloud and took off the seal. Then, they opened that scroll and I could see my whole life! From the very moment I came into this life, until the time that I left, absolutely my whole life.
As I was telling the Lord that I had given Him my whole life, then, I saw my whole life there. I saw that I had not given the Lord anything. I did not go to parties and I never drank alcohol because I don't like loud company. I never smoked, so, I had nothing to throw away. Actually, I saw that I had not given God anything. I lived as I lived. I would visit the church, I would care for the children as they grew up and I went to work, and that's all.
And the Lord was asking me, “What have you done for Me?”
I said, “I prayed...I did pray.”
And then, right there in Heaven, I could see my prayers, as if they were on a movie screen. “Oh God, give, give... do, help, give me wisdom, protect me,” so that, He would give me wisdom and protect me. How very little there was for the glory of God, “Glory to You, Lord, thank You, Lord." Mainly, it was only in a church during an altar call, “Come on, let's thank our God because everyone has something to thank God today for.” I gave thanks, but only in this way “Lord thank You, thank You, thank You.” It actually had no value in God’s sight, it was only on the surface. I was just repeating it like a parrot.
There were moments when I would say, thank You, Lord, that You have heard my prayers yesterday ... although I thought that God did not really answer them. But, then, I saw that He really had heard them and He truly had answered them, but not in the way that I had wanted Him to answer them. I saw that He had always answered them for my good. Even though sometimes, the Lord does not give us what we are asking for, it is only for our good.
Then, I said to the Lord, “Lord I paid tithes... I paid tithes."
And the Lord showed me how I did it. The Lord told me, “You tried to fulfill the law."
My dear friends, I learned the true meaning of tithe, it's not something material, like our valuables... it's not money! Mostly, God requires our time given to Him. Then, I saw Malachi come forward from behind the throne. Even before he started to speak, I knew it was him. Where this kind of knowledge came from, I do not know. He was holding a book in his hand and he was reading, “Should a man rob God?” And, I whispered, “In what way did I rob You, Lord?” “In tithes and offerings.” (Malachi 3:8) I had skipped the word OFFERINGS in my life, and this also means time... time! The Lord showed me that I did not give fully.
And the Lord rebuked me, “YOU WERE TRYING TO FULFILL THE LAW, BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME?"
I answered “Lord, I read the Bible... I read it!” And then, I could see, as if on a huge screen, myself reading my Bible. I saw myself in the morning when I had slept too long and was nervous, on one hand, I was holding my baby and on another, I was putting a pot on the stove. And then, I would grab my Bible and was thinking to myself, “I have to read one chapter today, as our pastor told us to do, at least one in the morning and one in the evening." And I saw myself thinking, “Lord, Psalm 119, today? It's the longest Psalm in the Bible. Lord I will read Psalm 150, that one is short! I was reading Psalm 150 and the Lord said, “I was talking to you but you would close your ears. I told you to study the Bible but you only read it. You did not want to hear what I had to say to you.”
I answered, “Lord, I did not know what to do for You!”
Everything that I said was wrong, all those things I did were for myself. My prayers were only “give me, give me." I only read the Bible, I did not pay attention to it in a deeper way, only for the purpose of reading it.
I said “I don't know, Lord, I don't remember the things I read.”
He said, “What did I say to Apostle Peter and to his brother Andrew when I called them to follow Me?"
“Oh Lord, but You talked to them for the whole three years. You told them a lot of things.”
This kind of arguing was my earthly habit and I even brought it before the Lord now.
The angel tried to help me, he tried to prompt me. He looked at me and said, “Follow Me and I will make you...?” And I completed his sentence “... fishers of men." (Matthew 4:19)
I was so happy that I had remembered that verse. “Yes, and how many people have you brought to Me?”
I was frozen. “Where is your sheaf? Show Me your work."
And, in panic, I looked at my hands. I only had one small stalk in my hand ... in my hands, I only had one stalk! Do you understand? Now, I could see the thing that had been hidden from me. That thing was that other people were also standing there with me and their angels were holding their baskets full of fruits and people themselves were holding sheaves, a lot of sheaves. Some of them could barely hold their many sheaves. One soul was placing one sheaf at the base of the Throne and suddenly in her hand, another sheaf appeared, and then she placed it there again. And I was only holding this one stalk. I was very ashamed.
INTERVIEWER: And who was this stalk representing? Was it clear to you or not?
That was my husband.
INTERVIEWER: But you also have five children that are here on this earth. Didn't they walk with God?
I thought so, yes. I thought that they did, there should have been five more stalks in my hand. But there was not. I had not really taught my children to love God. I taught them to fear God.
Then, the Lord showed me how I had dragged my children into the church. He showed me how I had made them sit there, through force, and how I had been shouting at them. And, I saw how my children had sat in the first pew and had watched the pastor, yet, in their hearts, they hated the preacher and they hated God. Yes, I saw this, in Heaven... and saw that my children hated God. And that was because of my way of bringing them up. That's why every one of my children on this earth brought me a bitter cup. I had to drink this cup with all of them.
Today, my children serve God and my grandsons as well, only because God gave my children wisdom and taught them to love and honor God. But, because of my upbringing, I had actually brought my son to the point where he had tried to commit suicide. My daughter ran away from home. Another son wanted to go to Afghanistan as a volunteer to fight there. All of this, I had to live through. And all of this was because of what I had sown in their lives.
It had not been my husband, as I had been thinking. I had condemned him. I had told him, “You are always out at sea, you are not raising our children."
But, it was shown to me that it was my mistake. I was ashamed. I was very ashamed and afterward, I asked my children for forgiveness. Praise the Lord that He is faithful.
Suddenly, I heard a voice, and that voice was an abominable disgusting voice. He was just laughing at all my words and he said, “Give her unto me. Here is her fruit, right here.”
I turned to see whose voice it was. And the devil was there. It was him, and he had brought the whole basket of my fruits. His clothes were not bright, but neither were they black. He was masking himself. But his eyes are filled with hatred. He was watching me with an evil look. He had a right to it and he was requesting that right. “She served me,” he said. And, that basket, which I had actually filled for him, were the things that I had done from the moment I confessed my sin until the moment of my death. It was filled with my sins, the sins which I had not repented of.
I was scared. I understood that at this moment, if the Lord would say, “Take her,” it would be righteous... it would be righteous, do you understand?
INTERVIEWER: And what did the Lord say?
At first, He did not say anything. I started to cry, big tears were rolling down my cheeks. God took me by my head and dried my tears with His finger. He said, “Don't cry child, your sins are forgiven by My Son at Golgotha.”
I suddenly saw the Golgotha scenario before my eyes. Do you understand? I saw the Golgotha! And Christ was there as He had suffered on the Earth! You know, in His eyes, I saw the pain of the whole universe and also, such tremendous love. And with compassion, He was looking at me, but I could see myself in the crowd shouting, “Crucify!” Yes, it was me! I was in shock! I was shouting, “Crucify." It was me there at the cross and I would lift up my fists against God.
I cried out, “Lord how can this be? I did not even live at that time, it was 2000 years ago.”
The Lord answered, “But your sin was there. Every time you sinned, you crucified Him afresh.”
Heb. 6:6; *... seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put Him to an open shame.”
And God encouraged me and said, “Listen” and I listened, as Christ had said to a woman caught in adultery, “Your sins are forgiven, go and sin no more.”
I answered, “I will not, I will not sin anymore!”
And God said, “It’s good you have realized this. And now you will go back.”
INTERVIEWER: It's because of Christ we have a chance.
Yes, only because of the cross. At that moment, the devil had disappeared.
And the Lord said, “Child you are bought with an expensive price,” and I wept. But the Lord held me by my head and was wiping away my tears from my eyes. I felt His hands.
He said, “You were bought at a great price. A great price was paid for you. You will see something that only a few have seen. You will return, and you will tell people that the time has drawn near to repent.”
The angel took me by my hand and we began to depart from the Throne of God.
I saw too many things, because, my friends, I was away from my body for seventy-two hours. And seventy-two hours in heaven were, but, just a moment. We walked down to the lower parts of heaven. I felt so good there, that I did not want to ever leave that place. I began to behold the beautiful city where there were many gates. We arrived at the gate of that beautiful city and the gate opened as a flower opens. The gate was made out of a pearl and when it opened I saw a street made out of pure gold. The gates were covered with all kinds of exotic flowers, and so gentle, that I wanted to stand there forever, just to watch this gate being opened. When it opened, I saw a heavenly castle.
The angels said, “Yes, the Heavenly Jerusalem. And He is waiting. He is waiting for His bride to arrive there."
The gold was not ordinary gold, it was so pure. The stones and everything were so pure, I could not take my eyes away from them. I had always wanted to go to Paris and see some showplaces and the famous art - well, here, I saw it in Heaven. I remembered that even Solomon saw a temple in his vision. I understood there, that God was showing those people on earth who loved Him, the things that were waiting for them in heaven. And, without God's friendship and wisdom, they could not have made anything like this, but in heaven, there is so much greater beauty.
I wanted to go inside, but the angel said, “Nothing unclean will ever enter into it."
Isaiah 52:1 Awake, awake; put on your strength, O Zion; put on your beautiful garments, O Jerusalem, the holy city: for from now on there shall no more come into you the uncircumcised and the unclean.
Revelation 21:27 And there shall in no wise enter into it anything that defiles, neither whatever works abomination, nor makes a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life.
I looked at my garment, and suddenly I could see several stains. I did not know where they had come from. Then, the gates closed. I felt sad, so sorry that I had not seen everything inside there. We continued to walk upon a beautiful road.
I was attracted to one of the fruit trees. It attracted me because, on that tree, I could see blossoms and also ripening fruit at the same time. And it gave such a beautiful aroma. The aroma reminded me of a rose and a raspberry and something else, something like sandalwood. I wanted to bend the twig and look at the fruit. But as soon as I reached out my hand, the twig bent itself and placed the fruit into the palm of my hand. I breathed in the aroma and was glorifying God. How great You are, my God. I don't know the name of it, but it’s probably not even on this earth. What was so strange was that, as I breathed in the fragrance, I felt no hunger, and I felt no desire to bite into that fruit. I also saw how the flowers were growing up from the ground, all kinds of flowers, and sometimes they would rise up from the ground and start to fly around ~ and they would join together in the air into a bunch and they would fly and descend at the feet of the Lord.
I saw the Earth again, and the praises ascending to the Lord, from people singing praises. I always wanted to have a beautiful voice to praise the Lord and I had asked the Lord, “Lord, give me a beautiful voice, so I could sing in the choir, give me musical ear.”
But, He answered me, while I was there in Heaven, and I understood why. Even my imperfect singing was as a small flower rising up in praise. And I saw the praise gathering into that cherry and it flew and placed itself on the knees for the Lord and He began to bless.
As I walked away, I kept turning back, and the angel touched me and said, “Look forward, not backward.”
But, as I looked backward, in my disobedience, I could not see it anymore, because there was such a bright light, and I was rejoicing and saying to God, “I don't need a beautiful voice as God has given to some to praise Him with. Let everyone praise Him, even those who don't have such a beautiful voice!” God likes it. It's an aroma unto the Lord. I don't know what happened to the fruit that I had in my hand, but I was not sad, because as we walked farther, I could see even more interesting and more beautiful fruits.
We walked into a forest where every leaf on the tree was praising the Lord, it was ringing with a very little bell and was singing, “Hosanna Hosanna” and it was ascending unto the Lord and everything was rejoicing and praising the Lord. I saw the glassy sea as John saw it and wrote about it in Revelation. I saw that it's not really glass, it’s even more transparent and a much more beautiful substance than water.
The angel said, “This is the place for the Bride. The Bridegroom has prepared for her a place.” (Rev. 21:2)
And above it a very light cloud, as if a bride’s veil and it was a veil for the Bride. Oh, how beautiful it will be when the church, as the bride will be standing on that glassy sea. I liked it there so much that I wanted to be there and wait for the church to arrive there, but the angel said, “Your pride can destroy you.”
I said quietly, “Lord, forgive me."
We walked upon the grass that helped me as I walked. My feet did not get tired. They were being immersed in a soft wet grass that was caressing my feet and I felt so light, lightness in everything, and joy. We went on and came to many different places.
In one place, I saw Cherubims and Seraphims who were shouting, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of the hosts!” And, there was such excitement and wonder as they cried out.
I asked the angel, “Why are they so excited?”
And he answered, “They think that they have known the Lord, but the Lord is revealing Himself to them even more, and they cannot contain their excitement and wonder.”
I saw a pastor from Ghana there, Brother Nelson, and I was wondering. Ghana is a country in Africa and on earth, he was a black man.
I shouted, “Brother Nelson, why aren't you black anymore?”
And, he smiled and said, “You aren't a white woman either!”
So, I looked at my hands and you know, it was not like the skin I have now, but the color was pearly and there was light which was coming from the inside. We were the same. Then, we went to another place and I saw many more friends, my old friends and my grandparents who went into eternity.
And, also, some young people who were playing the harp and other musical instruments. I don't even know the name of them. They were playing and an angel was teaching them how to play.
The angel picked out one of those people and brought him before me. He said, “Look, who I brought before you." I was watching him but could not recognize who this young man was. Then he opened his mouth and said, “Mother, give thanks to God." It was my son... my son. The one I buried when he was ten months old. And he was there, a grown-up young man.
And I saw a beautiful house, my mind is not able to find words to describe the beauty of that house. It was so cute and beautiful.
I asked, “Who dwells inside of there?” And I used these words exactly, not, “Who lives there” but, “Who dwells there?”
And the angel said, “We will walk inside and you will see.”
We walked to the house and entered into a very beautiful room flooded with such a golden light and the light was alive. And behind the table, someone was sitting and doing something over which he was rejoicing very much. And he was also singing Psalms. I knew the Psalm, we had sung it in our church many times. And when the man turned, I could see that it was my father, but not the 70-year-old man. Do you know, he looked just as my son had looked. He was so young, and I never saw him in this way. He looked as if he was 25-30 years of age. I said, “Father, you are here?” I was surprised because my father was never a member of the church.
Before his death, he had a chance to get born again and the Lord forgave him. He is in heaven, glory to God.
] asked him, “Father, why are you here and not closer to the Throne?” And my father said, “Give thanks to God my daughter because I am like a charred log plucked out of the fire. Praise Him, for I am not at the place where you are going to see now. But here, I am happy.” And he was singing. He was singing, “Great God.” He was singing, “When I look upon the world” and also, “Praise God, praise Him with all your soul."
INTERVIEWER: Those are the songs you would sing in church, but he was never there.
TATIANA: Yes, he was never there, and he did not even know one Psalm before. And, I had just heard two Psalms right from his mouth! I remembered how my father had repented when he was dying, just 15 minutes before his death. He had called for an Orthodox priest and only God knows what things he repented of. When the priest came out of the room, he had said, “He entered into a covenant with God. Praise the Lord.” We also said, “Praise the Lord” and we ran into that room with my sister and our father’s eyes were wide open and he had said, “I am alive, alive, alive!” With these words, he had died on this earth. We did not know where he went at that time and he wanted to tell us that he had been dead, while he had been living according to the flesh, but now he was alive. And I testify about it now, yes, he is truly alive, alive by God's grace.
The first thing that he said was, “Tatiana, it's still too early” which means that he knew the exact time that I was supposed to come.
When the angel said, that I was about to return, he backed off a little and did not come closer. The angel said, “She will return” and he said, “Tell your mother everything you saw here. I don't want her to go to the place that she is heading for. Tell her to repent.” We needed to go on, I was thinking about my father, and how I will see him again soon because our time on the earth passes very fast. I will see him again in heaven! Hallelujah! Glory!
During that time, my mother was drinking.
I asked the angel, “Did the Lord show you where the brethren of my church are? Please show them to me?”
The angel said, “I don't know what you are talking about. Everyone is our brethren here. All of the people here are Christ's children. Look!”
I looked and saw Alexander, and yes, my friends, he was an Orthodox priest. And, as a Pentecostal Church member, I had been convinced that it was only our own church people who were saved. At that time, this was how I had been thinking. But when I saw Alexander Mnene, and I knew him personally here on the earth, I could not be mistaken. I was very surprised. I also saw other people, even people from different denominations. Here, there were no denominations, there is only God's church, God’s children.
